Broken Hearted

Eyes are opened, but no one is home
Haven't I been through enough?
I cannot take any more that's left to come.

Haven't I paid my dues to the angel of death?

I'm tired of running...
I'm tired of being haunted
I'm tired of crying...
I don't want to be broken hearted.

Feeling broken from all I have endured
Just want to lay down and sleep...
Ah, sleep sounds so nice, I wish I could
For I fear that may be denied.

How much longer does one have to be strong?
As long as one must be strong!
How much more can one endure?
As much as God thinks one can endure!

For every trial has a lesson...
Whether we want to admit it or not there is a lesson to be learned...
While we are here on earth, class is in session...
and our Heavenly Father is our ever so quiet teacher with His arms wide opened.

Come unto Him...He is waiting for you.
He will never for sake you...
He loves you.
He is waiting for you!

He is wanting to mend your heart
When it is broken into tiny million pieces...
He is wanting to scoop up your tears
When it feels like you are going to flood the open seas.

He is waiting to love you unconditionally
When you are feeling unloved and unwanted here.
When the Devil works on you so cunningly...
Drop to your knees and pray for him to not dwell here.

You are stronger than the Devil's temptations, with our Heavenly Father on our side
"With God all things are possible!"
The world is a scary, dark place where we all have survive, I must confide!
But, with God I am stronger! I have him on my side!

Sunday Relief Society Lesson

We had an amazing lesson by an amazing woman who I look up to!  She is a strong woman who has a caring heart, she is funny and sincere and humble.  I consider myself lucky to know her, I hope to know her better over the years to come if I am luck enough.

The lesson was on listening to the spirit and the blessings you will receive by listening to it...she brought up the other side of it...what happens if you don't listen to it what are the consequences if you don't listen to it.  I told the story of when I went into the street when I knew I shouldn't and almost got hit by a car and my sister went and told my dad and I got spanked.  But, there was another story I wanted to tell...But I didn't have enough courage to tell it.  I wish I had.

What is the story you ask...well...it happened back in the summer of 2001 when I was out partying and doing bad things.  I was out for my girl's birthday we went out to the club and everything was going good...I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks...I met him at college...anyway, after we went clubbing for her birthday he wanted to meet up so we all met up.  We all hung out and then he wanted to take me home.  I know I heard the still small spirits voice in my ear telling me to go home, warning me, urging me to go home...almost pleading with me to go home!  But did I listen?  No!  I went...what a mistake that was!  It was the beginning of a beautiful nightmare.

A month later is when I found out I was pregnant...

The spirit will not lead you in the wrong way, or down the wrong path.  The spirit knows you and will protect you.  Heavenly Father knows you and loves you...He will never lead you down the wrong road.  He tries to save you, it is up to you whether or not you listen!  You cannot blame Him when things go wrong.  That is not fair.

Like when I got pregnant with my sweet I it was MY fault, not the baby's!  It was MINE!  I wasn't going sit there and be angry with my Heavenly Father and ask him "Why me?!"  If anything He entrusted one of His sweet children in my hands hoping I would make the right choice and make sure she got to the right home.  That was a lot of trust He put in me!  And luckily I feel as though I did not let Him down with that sweet spirit.  I got her exactly where she needed to be!

I have peace in my heart...I know I have learned my lesson...I will listen to the still small voice of the spirit, I will obey.  I have taken the hard road, but I wouldn't change it for anything.  I am stronger for all of my mistakes.  But, I do not encourage anyone to follow in my foot steps or anything like that.  The lessons that I have learned are hard and heartbreaking.  I do not wish the pain and agony that I have felt over the years on my worst enemy.

Stay true to yourself...hold on to the rod.  Stay on the straight and narrow path.  You may think it's a boring pathway, but I promise you it is a pathway that will bring you joy and happiness....it won't bring you as much pain, sadness, anger, trials, and tribulations, as the other pathways.  Give heed to these words.  Goodnight...

I walk

I walk down the street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost...I am hopeless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in...It's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

I walk dow the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

This is much like my life.  I continually walked down the same road and got the same end result.  I fell into a deep hole filled with  a lot of pain, heartache and tears.  And finally I have come to realize I need to do things differently and do things through my Heavenly Father.  If I do all things through Him the heartache will not be so sever and there will be far less tears.  I will still have my share of trials and tribulations, because that is how we all learn and grown here on earth, but they won't be as hard as they would be without Him.  

I cannot believe it took me so long to figure all of this out.  How foolish I feel!  I guess maybe some of us need to learn the hard way?...I don't know.  I guess if I had followed Heavenly Father's plan from the get go I could have avoided a lot of my heartache...but I didn't.  And all I can say is I have learned a lot, and I have learned that I am strong and I am a survivor!  

I am just glad I am not on that road that has that deep hole in it anymore!