My Song to my Isabella!

There You'll Be

When I think back on these times and the dreams we left behind

I'll be glad cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life.

When I look back on these days, I look and see your face, you were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you sore above the sky,

In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life!

I keep a part of you with me, and every where I am there you'll be!

Will you show me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach and I'll always

remember all the strength you game to me your love made me make it through-oh-I owe so much to you, you were right there for me!

In my dreams I'll always see you sore above the sky,

In my heart there will always be a place for you,

for all of my life,

I keep a part of you with me and everywhere I am there you'll be

Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength and I wan to thank you now for all the ways.

You were right there for me!

Always!

In my dreams I'll always see you sore above the sky

In my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life

I keep a part of you with me and everywhere I am there you'll be!

And everywhere I am there you'll be

There you'll be...

Faith Hill from the movie Pearl Harbor

Some of my favorite quotes!!!

"As individuals we should follow after the things which make for place, we should be personal peacemakers." -Elder Russell M. Nelson

"I will have faith in Heaven Father and Jesus Christ. I will pray to Heavenly Father. I will repent of any wrongdoing. I will forgive others." -Friend Aug '04

"Ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive." -1st Nephi 15:11

"Miracles are obviously worked through the power of the priesthood, but the prayer of faith is also at work." -Elder Dallin H. Oaks

"Do you take the time to discover each day how beautiful your life can be? How long has it been since you watched the sunset? What of the wonders of a cloudless night when the Lord unveils the marvels of his heavens.-the twinkling stars, the moonlight rays? When last did you observed a tiny rosebud form? You are one of the noblest of God's creations. His intent is that your life be gloriously beautiful regardless of your circumstances. As you are grateful and obedient, you can become all that God intends you to be. Sadness, disappointment, sever challenges are events in life, not life itself. Your joy in life depends upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His holy son, your conviction that their plan of happiness truly can bring you joy. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in (faced with) a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, you ask to be led by the spirit to do His will. You are assured of the greatest happiness along the way." -Elder Richard G. Scott

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." -D&C 18:10

"Call on the name of God for protection." -3rd Nephi 4:30

"God is mindful of us and ready to respond when we place out trust in Him (seek) divine guidance through prayer." -Elder Tom Perry

"The decisions we make in this life lead to our destiny in the next life." -Pres. Monson

"You can't make eternal decisions without eternal consequences." -Pres. Monson

"Prayer is a key to use in keeping depression from destroying us." -Ezra Taft Benson

"He is a light that shineth in a dark place." -2nd Peter 1:19

"Blessed are they that mourn. for they shall be comforted." -Matthew 5:4

"He that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." -John 8:12

"Forgive one another your trespasses." -Mosiah 26:31

"We live in a day of shifting values of changing standards, of will-o'-the -wisp programs that blossom in the morning and die in the evening." -Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

"God is not a celestial politician seeking our vote. Rather, God is t be found, and God is to be obeyed." -Hans Kindt-Stake Patriarch of Wisconsin

"Be clean in mind, and then you will have greater control over your bodies. Unclean thoughts lead to unclean acts." -Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

Regrets...

I live with a constant regret in the back of my mind. No matter what I do in my life it will not go away. I don't know what to do to make it go away! I don't want to think about it anymore. It is so frustrating, I feel like I am going to explode soon. I know deep down inside I shouldn't be feeling this...but I can't help it. It will haunt me for the rest of my life I fear...unless I figure out a way to get it out of my mind and know that there is nothing to feel guilty about anymore. It has been almost 7 years!!! And still I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders! I feel like I don't want to get out of bed sometimes because of the way I feel. I feel like I don't or can't look at myself in the mirror! How can I live with myself for much longer with all of this guilt laying in my heart mind and soul...I just do not know anymore. I feel like it just gets worse and worse as the years go by! How horrible is that!? 7 years of guilt...I want to ask for forgiveness...and yet I don't know if I will really get it...or if they will just tell me what they know I want to hear to shut me up or try and make me think it's all forgotten...I don't know. Maybe I am just thinking about it too much and over analyzing it! Oh!!!! why can't these things be easier on my mind...and my heart. I have such a heavy heart...I know deep down inside what I did was wrong and how I did it was wrong. And they say that they have forgiven me...but how do I know that for sure?! How do I get my conscious put to ease? I am going to give myself an ulcer! All I can conclude is I hope and pray that they will forgive me...I can only hope!

The down fall of me...

Shortly after I moved here to Arizona, my dad got me a job as a secretary for a construction company. This is where I met the person that lead me to my darkest place of my life. And gave me the greatest joys of my life all at the same time. Sometimes I really do regret the day I met him...there are times when I can't get him out of my mind...which is incredibly frustrating! I hate the days I can't get him out of my head, and the nights when he haunts my dreams...especially the dreams when we are together. Or when I remember the good times...gosh I hate that! I don't want to remember any of the good times that we had. But as more time goes by the bad seem to fade away and the good times become more and more clear. As you can tell I still have a lot of love left for him...I wonder if I will ever feel nothing for him. I wonder if there will come a time when the thought of him won't drive me crazy, or make me sad because we aren't together. I know that we will never get back together...but sometimes I cannot help but to look out the window and hope to see him standing there smiling up at me...waiting for me to come down and embrace me and promise me that he will never let me go. But, reality...the logical side of me knows that will never happen and it would not be a good thing if we got back together. He was and still is a liar a manipulator and cruel...he doesn't really care about anyone but himself and making himself look and feel good. It makes me mad at what I allowed to happen. I will not allow that to happen again. For about four years I was with the father of my two youngest children. In the beginning it was good...and slowly it got worse and worse...it almost felt like we were just addicted to each other...I have no idea what it was, maybe it was a magnetic force that we always came back together, and I fear if I let it happen it would happen again. And I will not do that again. The four years I was with him were hell, and I do mean literally hell. Well, I'd rather live in hell then go back to that time period in my life.

I get so angry when I think of him...and all that he has done to me and the kids. I am angry that he doesn't care about the kids at all...everything he has done is for show and that is all. He has never done anything out of the kindness of his heart...or because he wanted to. He has always done things because he has to do it, or because someone else has done it for him. It makes me mad...why does he do this to the kids? What did they ever do to him? I feel so bad for them, and how he acts like they are invisible.

It's funny how he was the greatest love of my life, and yet he is the worst person I have ever gotten involved with. It's funny how I don't think of others and yet he is the one I still think about. Things between me and him got ugly, so ugly that I had never experienced and I hope to never experience again. There are many of the dynamics of the relationship I will not go into...just because it would take too long to get through it all, and no one wants to hear about all of the sordid details.

I can remember vividly how awful he would make me feel about myself...he would call me names all of the time. He was always getting mad about something or if I looked at someone he thought I was cheating on him...it was so unbelievably tiring! It was like walking on egg shells trying not to break them! Impossible! There was no satisfying him.

The day I found out that he was with someone else was devastating to me. I had the feeling he was for some time while I was pregnant with my son. But he kept denying it over and over, reassuring me of how much he loved me...telling me that we were going to be together after the baby was born. And stupid me believed it. Even after a woman called me cussing me out I still believed him and his lies about who she was. I know, I know...I am gullible and stupid. I was so desperate to believe him and didn't want to accept that I had lost him. I remember the night that he made his decision for good, he chose her over me and the kids...I felt as if someone tore my heart out and stomped all over it. I cried and cried...oh-how I cried for that man! Looking back at that night, makes me feel so angry and stupid for letting myself get so upset with the situation. I wish I did not care about him, I wish that it hadn't hurt so much when everything came out in the open...I wish I could have turned my back on him faster and hold hate in my heart for him. But, I cannot...I still love him...and yes, I know I am incredibly stupid.

After everything went down between me and him, and the woman he was with and her daughter, I wanted him to sign his rights away to the kids. Her daughter had threatened to kill me if I called him one more time...I did not want my kids to have anything to do with him. It was a long and expensive process...I spent all of my inheritance on this...he fought me. He said it was against his religion to sign away his rights, and that he wanted to be a dad to them and would never give up on them. What a joke that was! I think the thing that hurt the most out of the whole process was when he said Jessie was not his, and wanted a paternity test. That made me feel so dirty and ghetto all at the same time! Going down to the hospital and taking that test with my baby was terrible. It saddened my heart and hardened it at the same time. When the results came in, I wanted to cram them down his throat and tell him he was stupid for even wanting that test in the first place. I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs in his face I told you so!!!! But I didn't. I just smiled to myself and thought about how dumb he must have felt inside. And when the results came in I think reality set in on just how much money he was going to have to pay. It was going to be at least 2 years of back child support, I wanted him to reimburse me for the lawyer fees for the whole paternity test...and I was going to raise the support rate that he was paying for Christiana. We were going to go to court and fight it out, he was wanting visitations and all that I was not wanting that and fighting that in court. The day before we went to court the light bulb went off and I told my lawyer to tell his lawyer if I dropped all the money would he sign his rights away. The next morning I got a call that he said yes. I was shocked...but not completely surprised because it came down to money. It always does for him. If he was any kind of father he would have said I don't care how much money I have to give I am not going to give up my kids! But that did not happen. And I know that this is how it is supposed to be...I guess...

I still cannot believe that he signed his rights away to the kids! I am still in shock! And on top of the shock of him signing his rights away, he still does not call for the kids or send anything for them! How sad is that!!!!! 2 years after he signed his rights away I had the opportunity to talk to him and I asked him why he did it, and he said it was the woman he was with. She wants him to have nothing to do with me or my kids. She is the devil...I have so much hate in my heart for her, and I know that it is wrong to have those feelings. God teaches that we should love our enemies as we love our loved ones...but it is so hard. She claims to be a christian woman but still has the heart of ice. She makes no effort to make sure he sends the kids stuff in the mail, or anything like that. I know that she doesn't care about my kids, and she talks crap about them as well. But, I do know this...he still loves me and still thinks about me...but oh well nothing will ever become of his thoughts. I will never go down that road again. It was too painful, too much drama, too many tears shed, too many angry words said, too many terrible actions done. It is not something to revisit or entertain the thought in the least.

But there you go...in short that was my down fall. It was the worst and best days of my life. The best because I got my 2 beautiful children out of it, and the worst because my heart was shattered and will never be whole again. Until next time God bless....

My Sweet Isabella...

On February 22 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl! Her name is Isabella. She is my angel straight from Heaven! I feel so privileged to have been the one who gave her life, and ensured her safe arrival to her parents arms. I was looking through my old journal trying to refresh my mind of all the events that led up to the adoption...so here it is. I was going to summer school at the community college, I met a guy named Davin, I should have known to stay away from him, but I didn't listen to my mind. I was hurt, I just got out of a relationship with a guy who I loved and wanted to marry, but that didn't work out. I was angry and met Davin and started seeing him. In July of 2001 I found out I was pregnant, I cried...see I was going to join the Air Force and try to do something with my life...well, you can't join the Air Force being pregnant. I wrote in my journal on August 14, 2001 "As for the child that I am carrying I am giving it up for adoption, I cannot take care of a kid right now. The child doesn't even have a stable father around. Who know where he is..." On August 30, 2001 "I think about this poor unborn child, and feel so guilty about it. What did I do?! I worry that my unborn child is going to grop up to hate me, because I could not keep him/her. I think sometimes my reasons for giving up this child is selfish. But, I tried it once on my own and it didn't work. Thank God for my parents. I just don't understand why I let myself get into these messes. I feel like I am 17 all over again. It makes me sad that this is happening, but maybe God knows what is best, and maybe he knew I would give this one up. This is by far the hardest thing I will ever do. I don't know how I am going to do this and get through this in one piece. Sometimes I feel like willing my body to die." I wrote on November 9, 2001 12:03am "Things are so difficult right now. I don't know how I feel anymore. I feel like nothing is my own, not even my own feelings, and it doesn't matter what I want. I just don't feel like my life is my life, I have no control in anything that happens to me. How much more pain, anguish, and heartache will I have to endure? I feel like my life is spirialing out of control into the depths of the sea. Not even one of my friends understands what I am going through. I have never felt so alone in all my life. I don't have any desire to talk to anyone anymore. I am just sick and tired of everyone acting like everything I am going through is no big deal. My whole life has been turned upside down, and I don't know if it will ever be right again. I am so angry at Davin and his mother, words cannot describe how angry I am. I feel like they are in complete control of my life. On October 15, 2001 I got a phone call from Davin saying that there was no way that he was going to sign adoption papers. The LDS Social workers were there and that didn't help. So I told him that I wouldn't fight, even though I didn't feel good about agreeing to that. Then his mother called me cause she wants me to go to her house to meet the family, so I went to see what I am getting myself into. So, on October 24, 2001 I went in for a sonogram to see if we could tell if the baby was a boy or a girl, she called me to see if I knew what the sex of the baby is. I couldn't understand why she was calling and he wasn't, when he was standing right next to her!!!! The night of dinner they were telling me that the baby will have his last name, and if I didn't give the baby his last name he would take me to court and sue me. They told me that the reason I was wanting to give my baby up for adoption was because she had some black in her and I was racist. When we all were sitting around the table it was like she was making all of the decisions...and then he left me there alone with all of them. Then they brought up what names I was thinking about and when I said some they were like nope...I felt like I had no say in what the child's name was going to be. She told me that the baby would be baptized in the catholic religion and then I can do whatever us mormon people do. I have decided to fight for what I know is right for this baby and not for anyone else. It's not fait to put this child into a greedy selfish persons life." November 19, 2001 "I am so pissed off lately. I am mad because someone is making me leave my home and go across the united States because they are being selfish. But I know that this is the right thing to do for my baby. I cannot give my baby what it needs, I wish I were in a different situation, that it was a happy one. Bt it's not because it's just not and I cannot think of myself at all. I feel like I am having a baby with Davin's mother instead of him, she calls all the time and it is irritating! I don't want to deal with the look of disappointment on my baby's face with it's father doesn't show up to see him/her. I have too much love for my child to put him/her through that. I want my child to not have to worry about money, clothes, or money for college. My only hope is that he/she will truly understand my love for him/her and will not hate me. I think through all of my other trials and tribulations this is by far the hardest one I have ever come across. Even though I am curious about my birth parents I am grateful my birthmother had enough love to give me up for adoption. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do, and I am not willing to gamble with my child's life. I wish I could talk to someone who has gone through this already. I am so lonely. I am 6 1/2 months pregnant, and am so uncomfortable, and mostly lonely!"

December 23, 2001 "In January I will be going to Utah to have my baby so I can put her up for adoption. I want to do the right thing for this child and I am not it! On December 5th I found out that I am having a baby girl. It makes it a little harder but I am not going to back down from my decision. I am stressing a little because I am going to have to do this all by myself."

December 26, 2001 "Davin's mom called me today and asked if I had spoken to Davin, I told her no. She then told me that Davin's 1/2 brother was murdered a couple of days before Christmas. I felt bad for Davin, but also scared because what kind of family did I get involved in. She told me that he had gotten another girl pregnant and she wanted to get an abortion because of how Davin is., the same reason's why I want to give my baby up for adoption! Davin's mother informed me that the baby has an appointment at her house for Easter. She didn't ask me, she simply told me. I thought that was kind of rude."

In January of 2002 Davin told me that he had a restraining order out on him, he had to go to jail for fighting with someone he had a "beef" with, and he was high and drunk all of the time. He also told me that he and his other friends and brothers went out and found the guy who killed his half brother and got revenge. After he told me that I knew I had to get my baby as far away from him as I could! I contacted the Salt Lake City agency to see what other options I had, and it dawned on me to move there to have my baby so I had a fighting chance to get her to where she was supposed to go! The social worker from Salt Lake City sent me 4 different profiles, just the letters and the physical descriptions and nothing else. I read through 3 of them and didn't feel anything...I got to the fourth profile and started reading and the baby just started kicking me and she just became alive! I felt such a peacefulness come over me, and I knew that they were the one's! I didn't want to look at anyone else! I called my social worker that night and told her that Shane and Jennifer were the one's I wanted. She then told me that it had been an accident that their profile got in there, because another birthmother was looking at them already! I was thinking to myself that it wasn't fair! I knew that my baby was supposed to go to them and someone was going to steal them away!

On January 21, 2002 I got onto a plane and flew to Salt Lake City to live with people I never met before in my life, and not knowing if I was really going to be able to place my baby girl with Shane and Jennifer. I had to have great faith that everything would turn out the way it was supposed to be.

I found out that the birthmother chose to go with another couple which made me very happy! I wanted Lorna to send them a sonogram picture and write congratulations it's a girl on the back of it.

February 2, 2002 "On February 15th I am meeting the people who are going to adopt my baby girl. I am so scared that they aren't going to like me. What if they don't want my baby. They take one look at me and walk out. I would be devestated. Everyone tells me not to be scared, but it's hard. I have no idea what to expect or what they expect. It's almost hard to believe that this whole thing is almost over. This whole 9 months is almost over, I will go back to Maryland and will never see the baby I have been carrying for the rest of my life maybe. It's almost a relief that is is almost over, but at the same time sad. But it is all worth it, to protect her from Davin and his mother!"

The doctor agreed to induce my labor on February 22, 2002 so that my parents are able to be there for the delivery and placement. Which is a relief...because I thought I was going to have to do this by myself.

The day I met Shane and Jennifer I felt as though I could not get out of the car. My legs were shaking so bad, and was shivering with fear. I almost couldn't get out of the car! But I did, and as soon as I saw them and hugged them everything felt comfortable and like I had known them forever. It was such a wonderful experience, and it kind of made me feel good that she was shaking as much as I was! We talked about names, and they were thinking about naming her Austin Belle...I told them when I was thinking I had to keep her I was thinking about the name Isabella, and then they still could have the Belle...

My parents and Michael came to Salt Lake City on February 21, 2002. Michael got sick and threw up all over the ground! It was so good to see them! I was so excited! The people I had been staying with let them stay at their house too. The next morning me, my mom, and Narda got up early to go to the hospital to start the induction. I wanted my parents to meet Shane and Jennifer before the baby was born. So while I was in labor they were getting to know each other, it sounded like a party in my room, and filled with such love! I was trying to do the whole thing with no epidural, but I started crying, and Jennifer said it's ok if you get an epidural we don't want you to be in pain! So I reluctantly agreed to get one. Shortly after she was born! A beautiful baby girl was born, and it was the most peaceful and spiritual feeling in that room...I have never felt that feeling in my life. I wanted so badly for Shane and Jennifer to come and see her but the social worker said no, this was my time with the baby and I needed to cherish it. So I asked her if she would tell them that she was born and that she is healthy.

I spent the next 2 days with my sweet baby girl! She was never put down once the whole time. I didn't sleep either. I didn't want to miss a minute of looking at her. Signing my rights away was hard...but easy at the same time...because I knew that it was going to make it hard for Davin to get his hands on my sweet baby girl! I started calling her Isabella...I didn't know what Shane and Jennifer were going to name her...I had to call her something. When they came for her they told me that they had decided to name her Isabella. That made me feel so special!

We took some pictures and talked for a while. And then it was time to say goodbye. It was awkward...didn't know what to say...I gave her a kiss on the head and said "see you in 18 years." And then they left.

Until next time...and another story! Good night...and God bless...

Random

This last few weeks have been upsetting for me in many ways. I cannot put into words that can describe what I have been feeling or experiencing. Many different things have happened, some exciting, some happy, some sad, and some stressful. My heart has been conflicted with a lot. I think that I should not be conflicted and that I should be the happiest girl in the world, and yet I sit here with a heavy heart and with the feeling of the weight of the world on her shoulders. It is getting unbearable...I guess I should try and start at the beginning so people won't be real confused as to what I am talking about or what/who I am referring to.

I was born May 4, 1978 in Granada Hills, California. I was given up for adoption, I was placed with my parents when I was about 2 1/2 months old. I was raised with my parents and always knowing that I was adopted. I was fine with the whole being adopted thing...but I always had a curiosity of who the woman was that gave birth to me. I always wondered if she thought about me throughout the years...Every birthday that passed I wondered if she thought about me, or if she forgot about me and pretended that I never existed. I often wondered if I had sisters and brothers...I wondered a lot. I think it really bothered my parents that I wanted to know where I came from, and that I wondered a lot about her...my birthmother.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

My adoption was finalized in 1979, and we were sealed for time and all eternity. I had a happy childhood...As I got older I started to battle with depression. The battle got ugly and it almost won. I have come out triumphant and I am hoping it will stay that way FOREVER! It makes me shudder to think back to when I was feeling so alone lost and dark. I still cannot believe that I was so depressed...the doctors say it is a chemical imbalance, I will have to take medicine for this for the rest of my life. It took me 28 years to figure that out. I don't know why I am so hard headed, I probably would have saved myself from some very painful events that I went through...and some painful things my family experienced because of me.

When I was 17 I came up pregnant, I was so scared to tell anyone, by the time I did say something I was already about 4 months pregnant. I remember that whole experience was horrible. The doctor who examined me was such a mean person...I remember say that something hurt, and she replied that if I thought that hurt just wait till something the size of a bowling ball comes out of me.

On April 30, 1996 at about 5:30am I woke up with pain...I told my mom she better stay home because I was feeling funny. We went to the hospital and they told me I was only 1 cm dialated and to go home. I stayed home and the pain got worse, we went to the hospital again and they sent me home again. I had a doctors appointment I went to that and she said that I was in labor, I remember going to Sears with my mom and my sister in labor because we still needed a crib, and they told me to walk. It was hard to keep quiet in the store, by that time the pain was getting intense...I had been in labor for about 5 hours. I went to the hospital again and this time they gave me a sleeping pill! I went home and was screaming in my sleep...nothing I did helped. I got into the shower didn't help...tried laying down that didn't help...walking sure didn't help....so I just sat up on the bed and screamed and cried all day. The neighbors could hear me, not to mention there was a crew of guys working on the house all day hearing me scream and yell. Finally my dad got home from work and said that's it we are going to the hospital and we are not going to leave. We were getting into the car and I collapsed on the side walk...my dad started yelling at me to get up...he had never been through this so he didn't know what was going to happen he just knew that he had to get me to the hospital. We were driving on the freeway...now mind you the hospital was about 45 mins away, I was in the back seat panting and moaning in so much pain. I remember all of a sudden feeling such an urgency to push...I said that out loud and everyone in the car yelled at me telling me not to push! I was trying so hard to not push but my body started doing it on it's own. We finally got there my parents got me into a wheel chair and my mom instead of taking me to the ER she wheeled me into the hospital and into the elevator up 4 floors to labor and delivery! There was a couple in the elevator looking at me saying aaawwww I remember when we were like that! I wanted to slap them...I was trying very hard to stay quiet. We got out of the elevator and my mom started running down the hall, I was yelling he's coming, he's coming! They threw me on a table, and popped my water and he came out in 2 pushes! I could not believe I had just given birth...while still in high school! At the time I had him I didn't know that my parents were going to adopt him, I was planning on parenting him...and I did for 2 years...

Well...until next time...I will tell you another story...stay safe and God bless!

Wow

I cannot believe it has been over 2 years since I have been on here! So many things have happened within that 2 years, I would not know where to begin. I don't even think I had anything up to date on here...I guess I was trying to give some background. LOL! I guess I haven't done a good job at keeping this up! I am making a goal as of now to try my best to keep this up to date, and hopefully this will be a good way to let some emotions out. So we shall see...

The short version of what has been going on with me within the last 2 years is I have been raising my kids, living at home with the parents, and going to school. I am hoping to graduate in the Spring of this year, that is if I can get through math! Me and math do NOT get along at all! I hate math and Math hates me! But, sadly if I want to graduate I HAVE to get through it no matter what! And I have come to far in my education to just give up! I do not want to give up when I am so close! I want so desperately to make my parents proud of something I have done. I have not met anyone so therefore I am still single! WOW! Big shocker huh?! ;) To tell you the truth, I am kinda liking it like that! However, I do miss having someone around to cuddle with, have someone to support me and help me with the kids. It breaks my heart because my daughter wants so badly to have a daddy and I cannot provide her with one. Her father and my son's father signed his rights away almost 2 years ago as well. That is another thing I will get more into.

My sister moved away back to California! I am sad without her here. She was my friend here...now I really don't have anyone! I have my mom, but that's about it. Oh well there's nothing that I can do about it. I have to endure it...I just have a lonely life...

Well...I am going to end this for now...I am tired, the kids are in bed and I am going to lay down and enjoy the silence!!! Until next time!!! Stay safe...and God bless!