Defeat

I am feeling very lost and confused right now.  I thought I had everything figured out and I finally had a plan and goals that were obtainable.  However, I am beginning to second guess myself.  I cannot for the life of me grasp the concepts of math!  No matter how hard I try and or what I do, it will not stay in my brain at all!  Why did God give me such a dumb brain?!  I don't understand!  I don't know what I am going to do now with my life.  I cannot get my degree if I cannot get through the math part.  I don't understand how it can be so easy for other people, I am jealous of other people that it makes sense to.  I just want it to make sense to me!  Just once so I can get my degree!  What have I done so wrong to get punished like this?!  This is making me feel incredibly stupid and incapable of doing anything in life.  I feel like a failure! I don't want to give up on school, but I am honestly feeling like if I cannot get through the math why bother going anymore!  I raise my white flag and waive it to surrender!  I don't know what I was thinking!  I am such a dummy head!  Now I am going to wallow in my self-pity.  Because that is how I want to be right now.  I don't want to be bothered...I don't want to be awake.  I would love to be able to get in bed and not have to get out of it again.