Guilt

For the last 6 years almost 7 years I have been living with an enormous amount of guilt...I know I made the wrong choice, in one of the biggest choices in my life. I know that I cheated my sweet baby girl out of having a father in her life who would actually care for her and be there for her no matter what. I cheated her out of all the spiritual blessings that come from being sealed to your parents for time and all eternity! What a beautiful thing that is! Time and all eternity...like a circle...there is no beginning and there is no end. How beautiful is that?! And cool! But knowing how beautiful that is, brings such guilt and heaviness to my heart. It hurts me now to know that she wonders why her daddy doesn't want to be her daddy. It hurts me to know that I deliberately didn't listen to the promptings of the spirit and what was confirmed in my blessing my father had given me. Don't get me wrong I love my baby girl to death and I am glad she is in my life...she has brought more strength to me than she will ever know. But, I cannot shake this lingering feeling of guilt and sadness that I didn't do what was best for her. I did what was easiest for me. I listened to the birthfather and all of his empty promises and believe the love he proclaimed he had for me. UGH! What a stupid person and naive I was to believe him. I should have known better that he would not honor the words and promises he spoke. How do I shake these feelings? When I know what I did was wrong and now I have to see the consequences of my choice. Which leads me to heartbreak.
I am sorry my sweet baby girl! I could not give you a father who cares about you...a father who would be there for you no matter what the circumstance was. If I could go back and make different choices I would, but the sad fact is I can't go back. So now you are stuck with me...I want you to know how much i do love you!!! I love you more than my own life itself! I would die for you...do anything to take away your pain...and I will have unconditional love for you! I loved you from the beginning...I love you now...I will love you for all the days of my life! I love your from now until eternity! I loved you even in the pre-existence! You are my baby girl...you always will be! You have given me more strength and courage than you will ever know! I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if you weren't here with me! I fear for where I would be and what choices I would have made if you were not here with me. I want you to be proud of me! I want for you to not feel a void in your life! There are so many things I want for you! I love you! Maybe I did make the right choice and I am too busy feeling guilty about it...I have no idea...all I know is I need to let go of these feelings before it drags me down into a deep depression!