It's hard to believe!

I cannot believe that it has been almost 9 years since I have seen my precious baby girl! The time has gone by surprisingly fast...but slow at the same time. I often worry about if she is going to want to meet me. Or what she is going to think about me. Will she be proud of me? Or wills he be ashamed of me and the choices that I have made since placing her for adoption? Will she forgive me? Will she understand? I have all of these questions that run through my head all of the time, among many other questions as well. I know I worry too much, but I cannot help it! Will she think I did not want her, and her father wanted her because her fought the adoption? I hope that she will not want to look for him, for fear of the ugly tint he and his mother will put on the whole situation. I have such panic when I think about that possiblities! I know that I need to put all of my trust and faith in my Heavenly Father that things will turn out the way they are supposed to, and things will go smoothly. But, oh how I worry! I think that's what I do best! Worry and wonder...too much thinking is not always a good thing. Especially when you have a wild imagination like I do...and think of the worse case possible! What will I do if she wants to find him?? My stomach hurts just thinking about it.

I have to say that throughout the almost 9 years that we have all been communicating that have been wonderful! Sending me lots of pictures sending me things that she made, and letters that she herself wrote. I get so happy when I get stuff like that in the mail! Especially when I am least expecting it! I got this for Christmas this year!!! I was so excited to have received this because I wasn't expecting anything!

And with this letter too!!!!

I cannot believe that she is going to be 9 years old in a few weeks!!!! Oh-how I miss her! But she has made me strong in so many ways! I am so grateful to her! I love her so much. I hope she can feel my love for her across the many miles that separate us!

Well...Goodnight to all of you who take the time to read this! May God bless you...Goodnight!