I just don't know...

So I know that I shouldn't care about this anymore.  But I do and cannot help it!  Why do I still let him get to me?  Why do I still have feeling for him...and because I do is why I have anger and resentment for him as well.  I was ok with coming to terms that he was going to be absent in the kids lives.  But, I didn't think that he would let his kids go without.  That he would not send them anything for their birthdays or for Christmas or anything.  I always thought...maybe it was wishful thinking...that he would always make sure that their needs were taken care of.  After all he claimed in court how much he loved them and wanted to be able to send them things for holidays and all that...and has he done it...nope!  Well, come to find out that recently he helped his daughter buy a house.  How can he do that and not help his kids over here?!  Don't get me wrong I am happy that he is helping his daughter...she deserves it.  But it is hard for me not to get somewhat jealous about it.  Cause I see my kids getting forgot about...by many people...I don't know.  It just sucks right now.  I have a lot of anger right now and I don't see it going away any time soon.  No, it's not just anger...it's brewing on hatred for him.  I thought I still had feelings of love for him, but this just brought to light what he is more than anything.  And that he lets his wife dictate to him what he can and cannot do...and she hates me and my kids so she won't let him have contact with them.  But, there has to come a point where he stands up for what he wants and steps up and helps take care of his kids.  But I know that will never happen...so I need to just wake up and realize that he will never be the person I need or the kids need him to be.  I am done...I need to stop getting my hopes up!  Stop wishing that he would change and be a father and support his kids both emotionally and financially.  what a joke that it!  It will NEVER happen.