I will win!

My mind keeps spinning round and round...

I cannot keep these certain thoughts out of my head.

I hate myself so much...I can barely look at myself in the mirror.

How can I keep such a memory that was such a horror?

I want it to go away...I beg the Lord every night for it to go away.

But to no avail it stays right where it is...stuck in my mind...

I wish I could fly far, far away...

I beg the Lord for Him to take me away and put me to where no one can find.

Sometimes when I really let myself freely think, I wish I had never been born at all...

I feel as though I am a failure and a disappointment to all.

I feel as though I was a mistake from the beginning not to be in existence in this dark cruel world.

Walking though out this life I never felt as though I truly fit in with one person or another or if I could.

I almost felt as if I were getting swallowed up in this harsh cold world and it spit me out like I was nothing.

I feel as if I have been through war...with memories etched into my mind that will not leave no matter what I do!

I beg God,  I detach,  I numb myself, what else can I do but end it so I will literally feel nothing?

They say I have something called PTSD...makes sense to me with all the flashbacks I have and all that I am going through...what else can I do?

I deal with it head on!  I look it in its eye!  I tell it I will not lye down and I will not die!

I will not let it win!  I will not let it be triumphant  over me!!!

I will look it in it's dark eye, and tell it I will win and defy!

Because only I can over come it...only ME!!!!!